My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You left your phone here
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