it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
