i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
