so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
