Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
did i just pee glitter
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
