My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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