imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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