the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
