how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
