just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I enjoy the company of your penis
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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