You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I party with great urgency now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
