She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
