I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
