Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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