smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
