Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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