I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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