All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
