walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
