Do vagina's smell?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I have tasted many bathrooms
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
