You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
