I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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