Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
