Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
