Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
