So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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