New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
