A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
