Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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