I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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