is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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