Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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