giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
