i need an iv and a liver transplant
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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