____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
