I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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