letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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