I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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