Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
