Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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