she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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