Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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