I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
