whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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