Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
