Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
