btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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