Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
