Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
