alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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