I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
